You never lose by loving, you only lose by holding back.
This used to be my favorite quote. It may even be my quote in senior year yearbook? Actually, it’s probably a rent quote… but, I changed my mind on this one. You do not lose my holding back. You save a roller coaster of emotions! Who needs love?? pshhh not me. You never lose by loving? Reaaalllly? I mean… I’ve never been in love so many this quote isn’t fitting. I can change it to “You never lose by liking, you only lose by holding back” You do lose by liking. What BOGGLES my mind is… for weeks you like no one… you just live your life…. you are HAPPY… busy…doing your own thing then BAM you have a crush. You have butterflies. You see potential. You TRY enjoying the moment. You try to play it cool. But nahhhhh you turn crazy. You are all of a sudden in a bad mood. What happened to your normal life before?! Busy normal happy! It’s all so crazy to me.
IF crushes out there are reading this then clearly I will probably never see them again because I look like a nut job. I like to call it honesty.
Anyway. I need to remind myself that my life is in fact amazing. I have the best friends. I have a stable job. I am healthy. I am able to run and do yoga. I can dance. I can laugh. I’m going snowboarding. Lots and lots of happy and good things.
But then I see a dead cockraoch in my kitchen. Current count: Dead- 4 or 5 Live- 1 Possible mice in my walls- 50. I’m scared of my home. Home is supposed to be safe and comforting. Fail. No life is no longer good!
I will stop complaining soon. And I’m totally over analyzing things. This crush may actually like me. What bothers me is how it all affects me. And I feel like I have little control over how it all makes me feel. I am also so pessimistic about it all. Seriously every single dude I have dated hasn’t worked out. For the best because I would never settle but it’s like… add another to the list!
What happened to my mindset of “I believe in love and romance and fate”. Need to find that old mind. I also need to EMBRACE my single independence.
The end.
