I’d say I’m in a better mood today than last Friday. Although I have been thinking about my lovely mother a lot lately. And how my biggest wish in life would for her to be healthy and here and not on any sort of mind altering substance. Big wishes. I also think it’d be so fun for her to come in for lunch and go shopping in Soho. Or give her updates on my life. Or call her when I’m walking on Central Park South to Columbus Circle and ask lots of questions about the days we spent at the Plaza. Tell her that there are signs about Eloise and how you can have an Eloise themed birthday party. I’d tell her that we’d have to go to lunch in the west village and walk Bleecker to soho to go to Fragments her favorite jewelry store. I’d ask her about the latest hippest fashions which I’m never aware of. I would tell her I overate she would tell me tomorrow is a new day. I would tell her boys are stupid she would tell me I will meet someone great. I was describing my tough year last night and I describe it all in a very positive way and I think that’s my way of “surviving”. The only way I can express the intense sadness of it all is by saying “my mom passing away was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me and I will miss her everyday”. I guess I’m confused with the word “positive”. Being positive doesn’t mean I think less about my mom or feel different. Being positive doesn’t mean all of this is meaningless I guess I’m trying to say. Positive is good positive is my survival. I still believe everything happens for some reason or another. I’ve exited the other end of the tunnel different. The whole “stronger” thing. I think the biggest difference I’ve noticed is emptahy. I feel this deep deep connection to people and when they share something sad or tell me an intense story a piece of me truly feels for them. I like it.
And on that note what am I happy for RIGHT now?
- The Italian sub I had at lunch. it was like 15 inches long. I didn’t finish it.
- Games. I love games. I like winning games. I won 2 games of shuffle board last night. WIN
- My new cool Garmin. I like seeing how fast I run and how far. It’s cool.
- My bajillion friends in NYC. I’ve run into so many people and have met up with so many different groups the past few weeks. It’s nice.
- Kissing. Kissing is great.
